Change

Definition of change: To make radically different, to alter, to undergo transformation, to replace with another...

Recently my life has seen alot of change, and it's mostly been positive. Aside from my own life changes, I get to watch my amazing Grace change everyday. I got to experience her growing inside of me, being born, hear her first cries, see her first smile, hear her first laugh, hear her first words, watch her roll over, sit up, stand up, take her first steps. If there is anything in this world to remind you how great change can be, it's a child.

Change is good... if everything stayed the same forever you would never learn anything in life. But when so many things change all at once, I find myself desperately seeking comfort.

Someone told me last night that in order to see change in a difficult situation, you need to make change. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong. I haven't been the most perfect human being. But I know sometimes... it's not me that needs to change.

I can't change the actions of another person... but I can't live forever feeling anger and resentment towards something that is out of my hands.

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."
Dr. Wayne Dyer

What needs to change is my state of mind.

Shut up Jessica

We all know someone who speaks before they think, and it always gets them into trouble. I am definitely one of those people... No matter how good my intentions may be I always end up with my foot in my mouth wishing I never said it. My behavior outweighs the good intentions I had. I've been making a sincere effort to try and watch what I say, and mind my own business but sometimes, okay always, my emotions get the best of me. Im really trying to learn patience and kindness and compassion when it comes to difficult people. For my own sanity I really need to learn how to just shut up.

Kid on a leash

Before I had Grace..... I had alot of opinions about parents and their children. I was quick to judge when I saw a parent struggling to keep their kids quiet at a restaurant. And especially when I saw kids getting dragged around on leashes in the mall. Like come on, these are human beings, not pets!

At Gracie's baby shower I got a harness as a gift, and I was so determined that I would never need one of those with my child, that I returned it even before she was born.

Then I had Grace.

She doesn't walk. She runs. She refuses to hold my hand. And she doesn't like sidewalks, she'd rather take off running in the streets. She prefers to walk in the opposite direction you are, and saying goodbye to her and pretending to leave makes no difference. She doesn't even care.

Her babysitter requested I get one for her (She's got a few kids she's chasing around)..... so even though I felt weird about it, I sucked it up and went and got a cute little harness with a stuffed Elmo at the front.
And Grace loves it. Now she wants to walk with Elmo (or 'Mo"as she calls it) everywhere. It's like her new best friend, she gives him hugs and kisses as she's walking.

To be honest, I still feel embarrassed to use it, and never do. But I have definitely changed my views on parents who do decide to use them, and maybe I will even reconsider using one myself.... maybe.

The Terrible One and a Halves

The last little while has been a challenge with Grace. She will go from a sweet little angel to an angry little monster in a split second....with no warning....or reason. She throws her toys, her sippy cups, her food, she hits me, and hurts herself on purpose. In the end I'm left with an upset baby, a disaster of a house, and one stressed out momma. While I know this is 'normal' and a phase she is going through, it is still hard to figure out how to deal with it.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend posted a link to a blog post called Counting The Hours. That day my emotions had got the best of me, and I needed to read those words. The woman who wrote it has 5 kids... hard to imagine! As a mom, you find yourself counting the hours of sleep you get (or don't get), counting the number of hours you nurse, or rock your baby, counting down the hours til bedtime, or naptime, or hours spent cleaning, doing dishes, folding laundry. The list can go on and on.

Grace is growing and changing right before my eyes. One day I will look at her and realize she isn't a baby anymore, and I will wonder where all those hours went.

Everyday is a new challenge but I've made a promise to myself to stop counting, stay grateful, and enjoy my daughter's company, even on our most difficult days.

And besides, if the terrible twos have begun early .... they will end early too.

Right?

Five In Tow - Counting The Hours

Nice to meet you

My first blog and I'm not sure where to begin. So here is a (quick) run down of my story:

My life changed alot when I found out I was pregnant in 2010. I was 23 years old and not married and not ready to be a mom. On November 24th 2010 I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I named her Grace Brooklyn and I loved her the second I laid eyes on her. Things with her father had been up in the air since I found out I was pregnant, but for the moment we were trying to make it work. About a week after she was born we ended things and I moved back to my parents. Moving there was the best thing for us. I'm not sure I could have done it without the help of my mom and dad. If you're a mom too then you know those first few months are pretty rough. My mom and I took turns having Grace sleep on our chests - the only way she would sleep for the first 7 weeks of life.

When Grace was 6 months old we packed up our things and moved back to Toronto. Being back in the city was an adjustment. And being alone with my daughter was an even bigger adjustment. But I feel as though God was looking out for me when he gave me Grace as my daughter. She is such a good baby and I don't know why I have been so lucky.

We had an amazing summer and then it was back to reality ---- my mat leave was coming to an end and I had to go back to work. It was scary for me. I felt like I just become comfortable in my new role as Grace's mom, and now I had to switch gears 5 days a week. And on top of that, I had to find childcare.

The childcare thing fell into place perfectly (Someone is watching over me), and aside from the first week, Grace adjusted really well and soon loved going there. I think I had a harder time with it then she did.

6 months later and that brings us to today. Being a single, working momma is not easy. But this is my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything.